FR#33: My First Strip Club and My Second Failed LR

Date: 2010-01-01 Friday and Saturday

Location: Rick's Cabaret; Galapagos Art Space

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Friday, I went with a female Chinese exchange partner and some friends to a strip club. Tempus and Doc were there. Neko also came, but she had to leave around 11 to meet her friends. For everyone except Doc and China's other exchange partner, this was our first strip club.

The strip club is all right - the girls are definitely gorgeous - but I'm more interested in chatting with China and Neko. I kino them both and I try to be fairly friendly, but not sexual, with any strippers that come around. I've heard that the only way to game strippers is to bust them out of sex/work mode, so I try a little. Eventually, I buy China a lap dance - something I had been dying to do. China is a cute, sexually repressed academic who since coming to America has taken an interest in sexual things, although always from afar. Coming to the strip club was actually her idea.

After sometime, Doc, Tempus, and I decide to head to Dumbo to check out Galapagos. Before we leave, I take Neko's hand, pull her out into the hallway, slam her against the wall, and make out with her. I abruptly pull her back into the main hall, sit her down, and continue talking about the rest of the night with my friends. I look over at Neko and give her crazy sex eyes. When she notices, she smirks and licks her lips at me. I love how playful this girl is - I think it is why I am so attracted to her.

We all leave. Neko says she'll call me when she's done.

Galapagos turns out to just be a place where people perform on a stage - not good place to practice a lot of pick up. Doc, Tempus, and I talk game, then leave.

I go home missing Neko beside me. She never calls. I am a needy idiot.

Next day:

I chill out, shop, study, then Neko comes over late at night. We do the language exchange thing for a while, then I grab her to make out. We get ready for bed, then we roll around a lot as I try to escalate like nuts. I get a little further, but she keeps resisting. After some time, we're both tired and I roll off a little. She responds by rolling off a lot. After a few minutes, annoyed, I tell her, "You came all the way from Queens to sleep by yourself? You're crazy." Then I turn around. I try to sleep, but she puts her arm around me and we fall asleep together like this and I feel all right.

In the morning, I wake up with her cozying into me, and suddenly, it's on. She is still resisting sex though, but I am rubbing her pussy and her bra is off, though her shirt is still on. After several hours, we feel awesome and slowly roll out of bed and she leaves. Little did I know how big of a fuck up the past two near-lays have been. Even still, I would not trade those two nights for anything. (Well, maybe for world peace. Maybe.)

Lessons:

Below are a mixture of my thoughts as well as advice from other PUAs, in particular Rufio and Dark Nes.

My relationship with a girl must be either sexual or non-sexual. The gray area in between may feel awesome - kissing, sleeping in her arms, etc. - but it creates drama that can fuck everything up. Be a man - as Gunwitch says, "Make the ho say no." She probably won't say no and she'll love the fact that you were confident, forceful, and manly about it - not careful, afraid, and unsure.

Neko may very well be afraid that after sex, the relationship will be over. She may also feel slutty for giving in to sex soon. This is Last Minute Resistance. The third possibility is that she is regretting coming to your place for some reason and is not attracted to you anymore. Either let her sleep or ask her to leave. Your early game was too weak.

There are three ways I can think of to belay a girl's concern here: Stronger early game, Plow or Role Reverse, or Freeze Out (a.k.a. Break Rapport).

The first is to have stronger early game. I need to make the girl feel that I will definitely be here after sex. How to do that, I am not sure, but I will think about it. This is perhaps the most difficult solution. The alternative is to have such solid early game that the girl absolutely thinks you are awesome. This is even more difficult (yet more powerful and worthwhile) because it means your inner game has to be tight.

The second solution is to plow or to role reverse. Plowing means that when the girl resists, you either roll of a little, then continue escalating (two steps forward, one step back). Plowing also can be verbally acknowledging that there should be no sex or that you need to slow down, but physically you continue to escalate. Role reversing means that you anticipate LMR, tell the girl things are going to fast, resist a little, but then escalate anyway.

The third solution is to make the girl incredibly horny, continue plowing as she resists, but when you hit major resistance, you do a freeze out. You can do a soft or hard freeze out.

Soft: Politely say, "Let me know if you change your mind," then roll over to the other side of the bed.

Hard: Begin putting your clothes on (if you are going for sex the first time, it is good to make the woman comfortable by taking off your clothes), then tell her to get her stuff because you're taking her to the subway.

Some may think that at this point, asking a girl to go home is mean. Think of it like this: She came all the way to your place. She likes you and she wants to have sex with you. If If she does not want a sexual relationship with you, it is inappropriate for her to sleep at your place like this. Make-out sessions, sleeping in each other's arms, and rolling around all night long are all sexual activities. If you haven't had sex yet, you're relationship should not be doing those things.

Personally, I now prefer the hard freeze-out. After everything that has happened with Neko (see the following FRs), I feel it would have sent her a strong message about how I want our relationship to be - either platonic or sexual. This is completely non-needy, which is a very powerful and attractive quality.

Now, if the freeze outs work, the girl will seek rapport with you and you will reward her by having sex with her. If she still resists again, either plow or freeze her out again. If she is seeking rapport, you should be able to have sex with her.

If the freeze outs do not work, then she is either not ready for a sexual relationship with you or she is having an early case of buyer's remorse. In both cases, the real issue is that your early game was not strong enough. I imagine most girls fantasize about getting swept of their feet by a super-suave hunk.

Remember, all your interactions - especially freeze outs - must be non-reactive, completely devoid of anger, and cannot seem like you are trying to hurt or punish the girl.

Second, do not explain why you are freezing a girl out. It is not that girls are irrational creatures who resist all attempts to be reasoned with (Although it may often feel that they are!) - it is that all humans are irrational creatures who are driven principally by their emotions.

The vast majority of us cannot be convinced by logic. To be persuasive, communication must be on an emotional level, never on a cerebral or logical level. You must create an emotional change in the girl you want to sleep with.

For example, imagine you are encountering LMR. The girl does want to sleep with you, but is afraid that she will feel easy or that she will lose you. When you freeze out, you suddenly take away all the pleasant stimulation.

In theory, her mind will focus on her desire to regain that pleasant stimulation. When she seeks rapport with you and you reward her with affection, she will be thinking, "This feels so good. This feels so right."

After this gambit, she will hopefully no longer feel easy because you allowed her to completely resist your advances. She will feel that you are not just a sex-hungry man who only wants to fuck her. She will feel that you're a special case, a real catch, and that sex was inevitable. This is all theoretical, of course. :-)

Third, you should escalate to sex quickly. Save the make out sessions, romantic foreplay, just sleeping together, etc. for later; getting past first sex carries enough baggage as is. By getting first sex out of the way as soon as possible, you are making sex a normal thing instead of a huge obstacle that first requires a drawn-out, drama-filled courting period that may just break the relationship.

There is a forth, meta-game solution that I want to try later. Essentialyl, it is the ultimate in non-needy, role reversing freeze out. When the girl comes over, you have to be incredibly intense and extremely sexual. This will make her very wet. After a little impassioned kissing, you suddenly break off. "I want to fuck you so bad, but this is going too quickly. Let's get to know each other first."

In theory, this works because she has already seen how powerfully masculine you are - she will not get frustrated because you choded out. Instead, she will be flattered a bit, and may end up trying to convince you to sleep with her.

If anyone field tests this, please send me the LR. ;-)