About three weeks ago, I ran into this girl that my friend had tried to set me up with a while back at a friends party. She was negative, rude and had the wrong read on me. I was, for the first time in quite a while, angry and upset about the situation. I channeled this into the intention that I was going to find a hotter, smarter Asian girl and I declared to my wing that I wasn’t going home until I found her. I was ready to wander Chinatown if need be after the clubs closed – that’s how serious I was.
So we go to our favorite club right after (around 12:30). My intention and motivation is the highest its been in a while. And so I stumble upon an Asian sorority night there.
Actually… it’s one of the worst nights yet, far more guys than girls and very few Asian women. It’s not like the universe always cooperates. Having set my intent, I skip alcohol and go for red bull – gaming without any liquid courage. I get blown off during a few sets quickly. It’s more of a combative atmosphere there… too many guys and girls shell up and huddle.
At around one, I see a hot Asian girl in a white tank-top with great breasts standing at a table with her friend.
I want to go… but… I’m better when I stand still and they pass by, or at the bar, or when I’m walking and can casually stop by, or on the dance floor. Anything but having to just walk right up to a girl, in front of everybody nonetheless… I could write out a whole essay on why not to approach her – why the situation wasn’t cooperating. But my wing tells me to, and we have a rule to never say no to your wing. And I don’t.
My heart flutters, I’m nervous, I don’t normally feel like this, I don’t have anything to say. I slide up on her side and say the truth, “hi, I noticed you and think you are really cute and had to say hi.”
She drops her panties and says, take me now!
Actually… she barely responds and is quite quiet for the first few moments. I could eject and save the awkwardness of her walking away. But I don’t – in part because it was so damn hard to work up the nerve to approach - and she starts asking questions.
Her friend coming over checking up on her a few times and I think she’s trying to “save her.” In actuality, she’s trying to be saved from this guy that insists upon buying her drinks and invading her personal space (she refused his drinks – gotta love the hot-blooded Latina). We start talking too and she hands me a Red Bull Vodka..
I’m in… mission accomplished… my anger towards the negative nancy that fueled this night is replaced with gratitude. She’s not just hotter, but also very smart. We bounce to another spot and I’m ready to take her home. And she comes, but her friend does too and her friend is too drunk and needs to be taken care of. So they both leave.
I don’t even get a goodnight kiss – just a hurried goodbye… not sure what to think until she texts me and says she had a great night.
From there, it’s easy… I text her to meet up with me and we walk around town. She seems like she comes from a conservative family and at one point, I wonder if she is a virgin. But it would be easy to dwell on that and I chose not – why bother believing something if it is not empowering.
We go back to my place. We are having nerdy math talk and I move closer and closer, lean into her and start making out then take her upstairs and get her shirt off (and I get naked). She says, “no, no” as I try to take her pants off. It’s a no that I know she means. I tell her, “hey, no pressure at all, let’s just enjoy each others company.”
The next time, I see her and we repeat and I’m dry humping her before she gives me a “no” that I know she doesn’t want to. She’s having her period and the next time I see her, it is literally a 16 hour marathon of explosive sex and sleep. Yoga did her body well and it was some of the best sex I have ever had..
This experience has taught me a profound lesson – it is much, much easier to chose the more negative and limiting mindset and thus not take action than it is to take action.
It is much easier to say, “it won’t work, I’m not going to approach” than it is to say, “it might work, but I’ll try anyway” or “it’s worth it either way!” That said, I don’t remember how many or what girls turned me down that night even though I was sober. I forgot about it right after it happened. And even if I got shot down brutally, why does it matter if it won’t change how I feel about myself? After meeting her, I woke up the next morning thinking about how much I would have regretted not approaching her.
If there was a room of nasty strangers and one had a small pot of gold that they’d give to the first who asked, would you walk up to everybody and ask knowing that most would look at you like you were absolutely crazy? Of course you would! So why are we so hesitant to walk up to beautiful and generally pleasant women and strike up a conversation or compliment them on how they caught your eye knowing full well that you may share something much better than a little metal? Its irrational.
The next aspect of this is that its also much easier to think less of ourselves or a situation than it is to take a bolder, more empowering mindset. I could very easily of said – at multiple points – she’s not interested and walked away. I could have believed that she was conservative and not gone for sex.
And the final aspect comes back to what started it all – the negative nancy. It was quite easy and natural to get upset about it. But I was glad that I channeled that negativity into something that I really want. I don’t want to spend a weekend night angry – I want to spend it with the company of someone awesome, and was glad that I did.
So anywho – hope that I didn’t sound preachy or overly-philosophical, but I am beginning to see the new possibilities that come from refusing to take the easier, lower negative road.
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