Alchemist RE: FR#33

Written by Alchemist on the Vibe Society forums, an NYC local group, in regards to my second failed LR with Neko:

Sparrow, I think the key

Sparrow,

I think the key with strip clubs is to just go when it is not that busy. And if you can, bring girls. The strippers are usually refreshed by the chance to talk with normal guys rather than fat, dirty old men grunting at them.

As for Neko – do you know anything about her sexual past? Having dated, and currently dating, a girl from China, I know that many are virgins or have very different views of sex than the typical American girl that the “game” was designed to bed.

And on the note of getting them to bed, a few thoughts as I have tried all the approaches you mentioned.

First and foremost, it is absolutely essential to LEAD. That’s pretty much the core truth of pick-up, as the man you lead the girl. Be alpha, masculine and when the time is ready, start expressing your sexuality more. I always try to guide the girl through multiple venues, physically guide her, make the choices, etc…

Next most important is being HONEST. Listen to any angry love song and it always deals with one of two things – a guy lying to her or making long-term promises and commitments based on short-term feelings (which eventually crumble when the spark is lost). A girl has a read on you pretty quickly and its not that hard to express who you are… a lot of the wait just comes from her feeling you out to see if you are going to promise what you deliver. No girl wants to be led down the relationship road only to have the brakes turn on as soon as you have sex. And I’ve regrettably done that – not intentionally – but because I was horny (and needy), wanted sex and didn’t really care that much about the girl.

This still happens sometimes with random girls (in that I want sex but don’t care about them), but I make sure to not do anything that would signal a relationship. I intentionally try to come off as more of a player, as someone with lots of women, so that they don’t even consider me as a potential relationship. And escalate FAST. But again, all I am trying to do is get them to say “yes or no,” to make a choice between sex or not, and either blow me or blow me off. I am not going to waste more than a night on a girl like that.

Anyway, onto your specific ideas because it sounds that you clearly care about this girl:

#1 – Yes, stronger early game (which is pretty much leading as a man and being honest)

#2 – Role reversal. I’ve tried doing the “I don’t want to have sex too soon.” It’s complete and utter bullshit and it rightfully will rarely, if ever, work with a reasonably intelligent woman. If you are being the alpha, sexual male, she knows that you want to fuck her…

#3 – Plowing… When a girl says, “I shouldn’t have sex with you” she is arguing with herself not you. She wants you inside her… I’ve never had a girl say that and not have sex. The argument is her mind vs. her body and you can say, “yes, we are naughty” or “we are bad for each other” as you continue to escalate (read her body language… if she’s spreading her legs and arching her hips, she’s asking for it). But be careful to tell the difference between token and real resistance…

#4 – Freezing out… It’s actually pretty cruel and I tried it once and it worked. But I regretted doing it and it is quite manipulative. When I have sex with a girl that I care about, I don’t want it to have been tainted with any manipulation.

About a year ago, I had an encounter with a Korean girl. I was not needy, but I tried to plow through her resistance. She said no, and from then on the guards were up… she wouldn’t get comfortable in my place or give me another opportunity to really escalate. It went no where…

What I found works best is to sincerely respect her while being a sexual yet not-needy male. If she says she doesn’t want to have sex and means it (not the token resistance), than I would say, “I respect you and I would never pressure you to do something that you are not ready for.” You can still escalate the next time you see her, but she knows that you will stop when she wants you to without you freezing her out, arguing or pressuring her.

That is it… no apologies or justifications for being sexual, no expectations on her. And when you think about it that is really what is fair. She does not have the right to expect a relationship from you. And you do not have the right to expect sex from her. Just enjoy your time together and let it evolve from there. And from what I have experienced, this alone will make her drop her barriers the next time you see her and let you in.

This is pretty much the approach that I use with every girl that I care about (if I don’t care about them, and I try to avoid those types of girls, I just put my sexuality out there and make her do one thing – make an one-time CHOICE between having sex or not. I respect it either way).