FR#29: Grinding, Upscale Dance Parties, and Whale Tails

Date: 2009-12-14 Monday

Places: Spitzer's; Sway Lounge; Park; Highline Ballroom

Time: 5h

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Rufio (named for his Filipino-ness) swings by my apartment before we walk down to Spitzer's to meet Lupin at 10 PM. Spitzer's is not very crowded tonight - mostly guys. We chat for half an hour and Lupin relates to us his harrowing Halloween adventures and his drama with a Singaporean woman. Finally, I tell the two of them that we need to find a better venue so we can open sets. We head for the Sway Lounge, a place Rufio has been mentioning that is rumored to be poppin' on Sundays.

We go in and the place is not too crowded. Lupin and I are about to leave, but Rufio insists we wait it out. Rufio goes around opening anyone and everyone - for him, it really is not just about the girls. I need to start opening entire clubs as well.

We sit in the back of the club and I tell Lupin that we need to do something. He points to a group of dancing Black girls. I exhale, stand up, and we go.

I zero in on my target - a cute girl wearing blues and blacks, though I never really see her face. I grab her, pull her to me, and we're grinding back-to-front. I turn the girl around so we are grinding front-to-front with her arms around me. I put my hand on the back of her neck and she complies. At this point, I should have gone for a make out even in front of her friends, but I lose my nerve. I ruffle her hair and eject. Always push boundaries.

Lupin meanwhile grabs a girl dressed in a tan blouse - the best dancer of the group and mega-cute, but he does not know how to handle her and ejects. Later, we see a guy grab her ass and dry hump her. I guess that's how it's done!

We find new seats closer to the dance floor. Rufio is still going around pumping social proof where as Lupin and I are still choding about. We walk through the club, then Lupin pushes me at an Indian girl. I try to open her the same way I opened the Black girl, but I am rejected. We decide to leave, but Rufio is caught between several sets, one of which contains the Indian girl. Lupin is handsome, but I feel like there is something else to him - as if he has a nimbus like some PUAs talk about that just attracts everyone's attention. Suffice it to say, it works on the Indian girl who opens Lupin. She gives him her number and although he needs to get up early, he decides to head with us to Park.

Park is closed, but on the way we see the Highline Ballroom. Three girls in dresses and high heels are walking toward the club and we push Rufio into set and tell him to open with Apocalypse. Uncharacteristically of him, Rufio slowly walks up. "He looks like a stalker," comments Lupin. Rufio is hardly ever creepy like this - usually he runs into sets like these. He opens and is blown out. Using the apocalypse on a three set on their way into a club takes mad balls and may very well be impossible to pull off consistently, so ten points to Rufio for doing it. I prefer this kind of Pick Up: It is not always about learning to get the girl. Sometimes, it is about growing balls of steel.

After Park, Lupin and I want to check out Gansevoort, but Rufio insists on Highline.

Highline is precisely the image in my head of the typical awesome nightclub - except that it is filled with guys in suits and girls in dressed. Both Lupin and I like it, though Rufio cannot accept this kind of crowd. He says he can't dig the kind of girl who gets her dress from Kmart. Fashion nerds - got to love 'em. It is more than that though. The club is very homogeneous - almost all whites and Jewish people and to Rufio, that is a major turn off. At one point, we are seated and a cute brunette tries to get Rufio to dance. He literally turns his nose up, frowns at her, puts up a hand, and says, "Uh-uh." Later, Rufio admits that he feels bad about it, that he should use the opportunity for practicing sexual escalation. He says that when he does find a girl who meets his standards, he acts different with that girl - takes up a scarcity mentality - making it difficult for him to get the girls he likes. If he can learn to roll with other types of girls, Rufio thinks that he will have an easier time being non-needy with his type of girl.

Although I take a liking to Highline - it is the most upscale place I have ever been to - from the moment I step in, I feel chode. Perhaps the feeling had started before. Sometimes, when I am with people with strong frames, I start feeling more and more lame. I think this is happening to me with Lupin and Rufio and it is a terrible feeling - much worse than a bad rejection. What is the solution? Perhaps I need to go Lone Wolf a couple days a week instead of spending each night out with other PUAs. Either way, I know I cannot give into the negative feelings. I need to persevere and keep going out. I am sure taking improv classes will help. The Upright Citizens Brigade is supposedly offers the best classes around, but they are booked out until February. Should I sign up with the Pit as Lupin did? Maybe, but perhaps I can stand to wait another month. In the meantime, I will go through some routines manuals to try to improve my banter.

We leave the Highline Ballroom shortly after entering and go to The Diner for food. In the next booth is a three set - two blonds and an Indian girl. One of the girls has a major whale tail. Rufio goes over an opens with "Excuse me, but you guys are distracting me." They seem very surprised by the approach and dumbfounded, do not really respond to him. As Rufio returns to our table, though, the girls giggle and whisper about what just happened. Rufio is completely turned off and wants nothing to do with them anymore and I forget about them until I notice one of the girls looking and smiling at me. I make a face at her and she returns it. Confused, Lupin turns and says, "What?" with a little too much force. The girl freaks out and gets pissed off, so Lupin goes over. The girl tells Lupin that she "comes in peace," and Lupin leaves confused.

We forget about the girls for sometime, but as I am facing them directly and so see them bantering, pointing, and stealing glances at us, I get distracted. Finally, I go over and sit in their booth and ask them what happened between them and Lupin. Most probably, these girls wanted validation - which I was perhaps giving them with my tone. Their bill comes and they head out, and that's the end of the night.

FR#28: Spaniards, Hipsters, and PUAs - Oh my!

Date: Week of 2009-12-06, Tuesday through Saturday

Places--

T: 23rd and 6th Ave; Union Square; Gansevoort

W: Empire; Starbucks; Rose

R: Random places

F: Empire, Spitzers, Yummy Noodles

S: The Park, Gansevoort, Pop Burger

Time--Long time

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Past two days have been fun. I went out with Whisp to day game. We met up at 23rd and 6th Ave, which was not very target rich, then walked down to Union Square.

It was the first time we went out together and since I have been chode mode recently, I was extra shy to approach. My first real attempt was when Whisp literally threw me at two girls. I completely chickened out after following them for two seconds, but after that I did a couple approaches. He ended up treating me to a special German drink the name of which I forget. It is cheap wine cooked with spices - although what we had was nonalcoholic.

Overall, it was a pretty lame sarge attempt, but I am back out there now instead of choding around at home.

Later in the evening, I met up with Rufio and tried to hit up Gansevoort. On this rainy and cold Tuesday, hardly anyone was in the lounge, so we booked it then called it a night.

Wednesday, I finally got my clandestine voice recorder key chain. My sarges are now recorded!

Later, I went to Empire to meet up with Whisp and a guy who contacted me through my NYCSarge Blog named Marko. We had planned to arrive at 10 PM, but when I arrived, I found out Empire was booked with a private party until 11 PM. I stood oustide the Starbucks around the corner from Empire to call Marko and Whisp only to discover both had to cancel last minute.

I entered Starbucks to wait until 11 PM and while in line met a gorgeous Thai woman and an NYC guy. They had just come from a Julliard ballet performance; they dance ballet themselves. Although they were on their way out, we had a great chat for about half and hour and I double number closed.

I then received a text from Rufio that there was a party in Brooklyn at Rose. The DJ was awesome - Veronica Vasicka. I will definitely try to find her sets around the city.

Rose: dark-lit, thick with the body heat of a hundred hipsters wiggling and bouncing their hipster dances, PBRs strewn about the tables. Like everywhere, you had your wall flowers, but most people on the dance floor were ripping it up. It may be early to say, but Rose is one of my favorites.

Before we left, Rufio pushed me to move through the dance floor to open every set I passed. I did it and he said it looked great and later on, I was opened by who I thought was the hottest girl on the floor - a tall blond with a boyfriend - because she had seen how I was going up to people. Oddly enough, I felt very lukewarm about how I opened those sets because I mostly discussed the music playing. Banter is my main issue now, but I am working on it and I am improving.

After, Rufio , Dark Nes, and I tried to bounce to Manhattan, but ended up grabbing some Chinese food near Bowery and Canal.

I am getting the feeling that when I am with Rufio and Lupin, whenever I talk about myself, I am a bit pessimistic. First of all, narcissism is not very attractive. Second, the only way to go is overly optimistic. Lupin is very inspiring, is good at leading us around, etc. That is what I want. So from tonight, my first goal will be to stop bashing myself. My other goals are approaching in volume, approaching difficult sets, and making interactions sexual.

Thursday night, I had Capoeira until late, then came back home and twiddled around until I went out to meet up with Rufio and Lupin. The night was pretty much done, so we had a powwow at Yummy Noodles.

I realized recently my face is a bit rounder than usual. I need to stop eating out so much! Maybe Rufio's right and I should get a Man-Bag and fill it with awesome edibles like peanut butter and humus. Man, I am so hungry right now...

Friday night, Lupin, Bob, Christian, and I tried for Empire, but as a large group of guys, we could not get in. I met a man who played basketball for Spain while in line so he came along. As we entered the subway, Christian remembered he needed to buy a metro card. The basketball player handed me his metro card saying I should give it to Christian, hopped the turnstile, and we never heard from him again.

We met up with Rufio around 12th Street who took us to an NYU party that was winding down. After some of us used the bathroom, we left, but Rufio headed home for the night. The rest of us went down to Spitzers, which completely salvaged the night. We opened several sets, even Christian, who is not (yet) into Pick Up.

Saturday night, Lupin, Bob, and I tried The Park, but at 10 PM, it was still in restaurant mode. Apparently, it converts to a nightclub at midnight, so next time we'll have to get in at 11:30 PM. We headed to Gansevoort, which was an absolute circus. Everywhere I turned were two or three PUAs on the prowl. At one point, I thought I'd have some fun opening guys with lines like: "So, how did you guys get into the Game?" or "Did you see those two girls fighting outside?" My PUA Radar is 100% accurate - it must be the haunted, prowling look in their eyes. I hope I don't wear that look, though I am afraid I do.

Other than number closing two PUAs, Lupin, Bob, and I opened several sets, including a bachelorette party where we enjoyed homemade penis cake. Yum, yum.

Afterward, we grabbed food from Pop Burger where the milkshakes run thick and the veggie burgers are invisible...or that's what they call them anyways.

Full of fast food, we tried Park again, even though it was about 4 AM. The place was closed, of course, but we bumped into two British PUAs (one of whom had constituted my second number close at Gansevoort) and a cute blond they had pulled. Finally, Bob dropped us off at our places (it's nice to have a car...or a friend with a car).

This week felt so long, but it was a lot of fun. Today is Monday. Wish me luck.

FR#27: First Day Two

Date: 2009-11-24 Thursday

Place--Landmark Sunshine Cinema, Saint's Alp Teahouse

Time--1:30

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I had a day two with one of the girls Rufio and I met after the art show from a couple sarges back. I had not been hugely attracted to her then - nothing changed about that - but she is a cool person.

The cinema we went to has movies no other cinema in my immediate area is playing, all of which received great ratings on Rotten Tomatoes. Check out the theater if you're in the area.

After the movie, we went to St Alps for drinks, then after about an hour, back to my place where we just chatted. After more time, I took her to the subway. Later that night, I told Rufio that dates are boring. He noted they would not be boring if things we sexually charged. I still cannot say I am a big fan of them - hanging out and doing fun stuff with a group of people is more fun.

Inner Game: Self-Reflection

Over the past few years, I have begun to feel that I have depression. My family has a history of it, which affirms the belief. However, discussions with my father have led me to believe that traditional remedies are not the most effective. You see, when someone is unhappy or frustrated, we often point to factors in that person's life as the cause. However, when someone is clinically depressed, we point to the person's chemistry as the cause. While there may be genetic issues that lead to chemical imbalances, all feelings - anger, frustration, happiness - are chemical reactions within us. Our very thoughts and emotions are only chemicals floating around in our bodies and electricity firing through organic wiring. What is more, often all that is needed is a psychological change, a change in perception, and how we feel and think can change. A change of frame can make an awful day awesome. Meditation can even turn the anguish we feel from physical pain into to calm acceptance. Thus, I feel we often have it within ourselves to overcome psychological difficulties - we need not turn to medication.

Recent studies have suggested that the most effective cure for depression are things like exercise, work, studies. I believe there is a deeper message to the claims of these studies. Instead, I feel it is action that cures, the feeling of moving with purpose. Most importantly, it is being able to look back to see that our actions have created something.

Years ago, watching TV for hours or playing video games would leave me with an empty, listless feeling, where as writing a paper that took me on some sort of mental journey gave would make me feel good.

I do not feel this is only my experience. Many people have told me they feel fulfillment when they can point to something they feel is worthwhile and say, "It was I who did that."

For eons, life has been about action and instincts - not about thought. Thinking absolutely has immense value, but it can also be addictive, distracting, and self-destructive. I have many friends who spend so much time studying that it seems to me they have absolutely no perspective on what they are doing.

Rufio recently introduced me to Eckhart Tolle. He speaks of similar ideas about thinking and analysis. Eckhart feels that so much thought destroys our wisdom. I feel it is true. Also, so much stimulus from the media, from books, from everything, also distracts us and destroys our wisdom.

I am still a bit confused by all this, and I feel lost in many ways. I have recently started watching Battlestar Galactica and other movies, which has really distracted from the important things in my life and has allowed me to slip into an overstimulated, overly-thoughtful depression.

Anyway, I have always felt lost. I have always been too lost in thought for my own good. I have lots of faults and bad habits, in particular procrastination and the inability to see things through. These two faults occur because I get distracted easily by pointless crap in my life, and this in turn leads me to feeling sluggish and unmotivated.

Again, I feel action is the cure. Before I take action, there is this strange feeling of inertia inside of me, but those times when I overcome it, I feel incredible, impassioned, and the people around me tell me they can feel it.

Maybe, as Eckhart suggests, meditation - the state of mind he calls Stillness - will also help. He mentions being bored. Maybe I should put aside time everyday when I do absolutely nothing, become bored, and try to not let my mind run off with thoughts.

This blog has had some angst in it. I may not be perfect, but there is more action and less mulling about in my life than ever before. My chode periods are shorter than they used to be, and my good periods are longer. The day will come when I am on the other side of this tunnel - I know it.

Maybe most of you will read this and think to yourselves, "Wow, Sparrow is kind of weird...I'm definitely better off than this guy." I hope so because if I can achieve my personal goals, then you definitely can as well.

Some of those who read this blog may already be where they want to be and may think I am being melodramatic. I urge you to look around. Most people are seriously frustrated with their lives. They have the tools and opportunities necessary to turn everything around, yet their lives will not change for the better.

I am no worse off than most people - in fact I am probably better off. Thank the gods for that - and good night. It's fracking late.