FR#47: Discussion of Frame and Ego Destruction

2010-01-26 Tuesday

Union Square, Barnes and Nobles, Gal

Angel White Rose, Rufio, AltEgo

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Monday night was a forced rest night - a friend needed a favor.

Over the past few days, approaching has been difficult; attractive women would lead me to question myself: "What if the approach is all I have? What if I cannot take things further?"

Tuesday night felt quite different. Was it AltEgo's AA that helped me step up? Was it Sunday night's rejection that deflated my ego? Or is my recovery fickle and temporary? I can't say, nor does it matter much.

When I first met Rufio, I often felt suffocated by his frame. Over the past weeks, many difficult things have happened in Rufio's life. Perhaps his frame weakened and this is why I no longer felt so oppressed around him.

As of now, Rufio is back to his old self, and again I feel the weight of his frame when I am around him. It is good that he has found himself again. It is even better that I can now deal with it. I am glad to see that PU has given me more strength.

Last night, I did 12 approaches. I missed several opportunities, but less than in the previous days. On the subway, I let one 9 pass. On the platform, a long haired, young PUA opened her and was blown out. This is probably how far I would have gotten. Rufio then goes in and talks with her for several minutes.

Over the past weeks, I had begun to think I had a lot of Rufio. I could approach when he could not. I could get make outs and dances and all that. He was just in a funk. Not only can he do those things, but he also has incredible rapport building skills. For a moment, I feel disappointed in myself for being at a loss conversationally. On second thought, I am glad to know my sticking point and am glad to know that I am working on correcting it.

We met up in Union Square. AltEgo and I did some approaches, Rufio forced AltEgo into some others. AltEgo did his first direct approach and was suffocating in his AA. If Rufio or I had not been there, that would have been it, but we pushed him into sets. By the end of the night, he said he was surprised how sets were not as bad as he thought they'd be.

Later, we met with Angel White Rose and did a few sets in McDonald's on the way from B&N

In Soho, on the way to Masseuse Club, we randomly stepped into a bar - Gal. The place did not card, so AltEgo got in. We did several sets. Rufio stayed there as we tried Masseuse Club. They carded, so we got some food instead. Later Rufio rejoined us.

Yesterday was also my first day canvassing for a bar back position. I handed out 20 resumes yesterday. Tonight (Wednesday), I have class, but tomorrow I plan to give out 50 resumes. Fuck you, unemployment.

#46: Three Rough Nights

2010-01-22 through 24, Friday through Sunday

Fri: Midtown Art, Monkey Bar; Whisp, Rufio, Doc, Lupin

Sat: Cheap Dive Bar; Tempus, Doc

Sun: Hipster Joint

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Friday sucked. 12 approaches. I AAed out and by night time was feeling sick - probably more mentally than anything.

Saturday was Tempus' birthday at Cheap Dive Bar.

PU-wise, the place was target poor. I did 11 sets, hooked a few, but did not number close because of my ego problems. Instead, the girl number closed me because I told her about a private party at Tribeca Grand. Later, Doc and I reopened the set and she invited us to a party at 3rd Step.

Tempus takes the party to Greenhouse, but neither Doc nor I can afford a $20-30 cover, so we bounce. On the way home, we decide to try our luck at 3rd Step. The bouncer does not let us in because we do not have the name for the private party. Total bust.

Sunday:
Rufio, Dark Nes, and I hit up Hipster Joint at 10:30. No one is around, so we chill, dance a bit. Dark spies an Asian two set across the way. He tends not to do Asians, so I do it. "Hey, you guys look fun," Dark tells me to say.

I walk up, sit down, and open with that line. "We're a little bored sitting over there waiting for things to heat up. Join us and talk a bit." They comply.

Rufio chats up Tall while Dark Nes and I chat up Small. The conversation is going well and I am escalating, but then I try to get them to dance and they refuse. Dark dances with two girls, then a few minutes later, he pulls one of them up to dance. The venue is heating up, but I am feeling chody because of the refusal. I move around and open a set or two, but nothing sticks. I come back and dance with the girls. Dark and Rufio dance with both girls where as I just keep my distance. I feel that the girls are starting to realize I have lost my balls and it just paralyzes me. The whole night is very painful.
To make matters worse, around 11:00, Neko calls. "It has been a long time," she says. She wants to see me again. I tell her to come to my place tonight, but she says she is tired. She commutes very far everyday and does not have much time to sleep, so that's fine. She is finishing her work, though, and will hopefully soon be working in Manhattan again. Still, I am disappointed.

Around 12:30, Dark bounces and number closes one of the girls. I immediately try to number close and the girl just turns away. I leave after that feeling absolutely terrible, wanting to quit PU, wondering why I'm doing all this stuff, and all those negative thoughts. On a separate plane of emotion, however, I am happy. I know that this is the feeling of my ego giving way to a more realistic self.

Dark suggested that I stop putting a minimum on my daily approaches and that I concentrate on mid-game now. I would agree, but the past three days have been tough in terms of approaching. I still need to do it, but now I will put more emphasis on results in the way of five number closes per day.

An FR by Alchemist on Negativity

Alchemist wrote this FR on the Vibe Society Forums.

Highlights:

-Imagine one person in an entire club has a pot of gold. This person will hand over the gold if you just ask. Would you go around asking everybody and looking crazy? Of course you would.

-Never say no to your wingman.

---------------------------------------------------------

About three weeks ago, I ran into this girl that my friend had tried to set me up with a while back at a friends party. She was negative, rude and had the wrong read on me. I was, for the first time in quite a while, angry and upset about the situation. I channeled this into the intention that I was going to find a hotter, smarter Asian girl and I declared to my wing that I wasn’t going home until I found her. I was ready to wander Chinatown if need be after the clubs closed – that’s how serious I was.

So we go to our favorite club right after (around 12:30). My intention and motivation is the highest its been in a while. And so I stumble upon an Asian sorority night there.

Actually… it’s one of the worst nights yet, far more guys than girls and very few Asian women. It’s not like the universe always cooperates. Having set my intent, I skip alcohol and go for red bull – gaming without any liquid courage. I get blown off during a few sets quickly. It’s more of a combative atmosphere there… too many guys and girls shell up and huddle.

At around one, I see a hot Asian girl in a white tank-top with great breasts standing at a table with her friend.

I want to go… but… I’m better when I stand still and they pass by, or at the bar, or when I’m walking and can casually stop by, or on the dance floor. Anything but having to just walk right up to a girl, in front of everybody nonetheless… I could write out a whole essay on why not to approach her – why the situation wasn’t cooperating. But my wing tells me to, and we have a rule to never say no to your wing. And I don’t.

My heart flutters, I’m nervous, I don’t normally feel like this, I don’t have anything to say. I slide up on her side and say the truth, “hi, I noticed you and think you are really cute and had to say hi.”

She drops her panties and says, take me now!

Actually… she barely responds and is quite quiet for the first few moments. I could eject and save the awkwardness of her walking away. But I don’t – in part because it was so damn hard to work up the nerve to approach - and she starts asking questions.

Her friend coming over checking up on her a few times and I think she’s trying to “save her.” In actuality, she’s trying to be saved from this guy that insists upon buying her drinks and invading her personal space (she refused his drinks – gotta love the hot-blooded Latina). We start talking too and she hands me a Red Bull Vodka..

I’m in… mission accomplished… my anger towards the negative nancy that fueled this night is replaced with gratitude. She’s not just hotter, but also very smart. We bounce to another spot and I’m ready to take her home. And she comes, but her friend does too and her friend is too drunk and needs to be taken care of. So they both leave.

I don’t even get a goodnight kiss – just a hurried goodbye… not sure what to think until she texts me and says she had a great night.

From there, it’s easy… I text her to meet up with me and we walk around town. She seems like she comes from a conservative family and at one point, I wonder if she is a virgin. But it would be easy to dwell on that and I chose not – why bother believing something if it is not empowering.

We go back to my place. We are having nerdy math talk and I move closer and closer, lean into her and start making out then take her upstairs and get her shirt off (and I get naked). She says, “no, no” as I try to take her pants off. It’s a no that I know she means. I tell her, “hey, no pressure at all, let’s just enjoy each others company.”

The next time, I see her and we repeat and I’m dry humping her before she gives me a “no” that I know she doesn’t want to. She’s having her period and the next time I see her, it is literally a 16 hour marathon of explosive sex and sleep. Yoga did her body well and it was some of the best sex I have ever had..

This experience has taught me a profound lesson – it is much, much easier to chose the more negative and limiting mindset and thus not take action than it is to take action.

It is much easier to say, “it won’t work, I’m not going to approach” than it is to say, “it might work, but I’ll try anyway” or “it’s worth it either way!” That said, I don’t remember how many or what girls turned me down that night even though I was sober. I forgot about it right after it happened. And even if I got shot down brutally, why does it matter if it won’t change how I feel about myself? After meeting her, I woke up the next morning thinking about how much I would have regretted not approaching her.

If there was a room of nasty strangers and one had a small pot of gold that they’d give to the first who asked, would you walk up to everybody and ask knowing that most would look at you like you were absolutely crazy? Of course you would! So why are we so hesitant to walk up to beautiful and generally pleasant women and strike up a conversation or compliment them on how they caught your eye knowing full well that you may share something much better than a little metal? Its irrational.

The next aspect of this is that its also much easier to think less of ourselves or a situation than it is to take a bolder, more empowering mindset. I could very easily of said – at multiple points – she’s not interested and walked away. I could have believed that she was conservative and not gone for sex.

And the final aspect comes back to what started it all – the negative nancy. It was quite easy and natural to get upset about it. But I was glad that I channeled that negativity into something that I really want. I don’t want to spend a weekend night angry – I want to spend it with the company of someone awesome, and was glad that I did.

So anywho – hope that I didn’t sound preachy or overly-philosophical, but I am beginning to see the new possibilities that come from refusing to take the easier, lower negative road.

#45: The Effects of Alcohol and My Second 10 Second Kiss

2010-01-20 and 21, Wednesday and Thursday

Grand Central, Soho Grand, Gansevoort

Roster: AltEgo and friend, Whisp, Rufio, Doc, Dark Nes, Sabastian, Sparrow

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Wednesday night is our first meeting with AltEgo and his friend. They are 18, so they can't roll with us for night game. Rufio and I hit up Loc#9 and it is good, though I have a resurgence of AA. I finish with 15 sets.

Thursday night, AltEgo, Whisp, Doc, and Rufio meet at Grand Central. I approach a ton of sets, but am hardly able to open anyone.

I leave to hit up a special screening of Caprica. Rufio joins me, but we leave for Soho Grand when we realize how late we will finish. While at Caprica, Rufio offers to get me a drink. I jokingly ask him to spike it, which he does. Thinking I can handle it, I drink the tequila grapefruit juice. I hardly ever drink, so by the time we leave Caprica, I am totally drunk and I feel like shit and never want to drink that much again. Still, I bounce to Soho Grand.

When we arrive, I am still a little buzzed. After saying hi to Dark Nes and Sabastian, I open up most of the room. Later, Sabastian tells Rufio that I am being too gamey for the environment. Grand is more social circle game than I am used to, plus I am drunk, but it turns out okay.

On the way home, Rufio runs into two friends of his. They are accompanied by a cute brunette with bright red lipstick. The issue is, I simultaneously approached this three set to ask for directions, so I did not hear Rufio greeting these guys like friends. Thinking they were a normal set, I became playful with the girl. She responded warmly and I pounced. I moved to her, ran my fingers through her hair, and we began kissing. I then realized that she might be dating one of the other guys. I stop and say, "Uh...are either of these guys your boyfriend?"

Later, as we say good-bye, the girl gets very standoffish as i shake her hand. "This is awkward," I say and roll off to talk a little with one of the guys. A minute later, the girl is hugging my arm. Later, Dark Nes and Rufio note that calling out awkward or strange situations spikes attraction - social intelligence and frame control.

I finish the night with 50 sets.

FR#44: False Negs and Ego Issues

2010-01-19 Tuesday

Apocalypse Tuesdays, Masseuse Club

Rufio, Dark Nes, Sparrow

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We go to Apocalypse Tuesdays that has an open bar. The place is tiny and not very target rich, but we do a ton of sets.

In particular, as we enter, Dark Nes enters a six set. I go to wing him by approaching a beautiful blond (hottest girl in the joint) who is texting on her cell phone. I walk up and command her to turn it off as I shove her playfully. "What? Oh, I'm sorr - hey! You don't work here!"

"How do you know?" I respond as I turn to her friend to help Dark Nes. This blond, however, comes close, grabs my shoulders, and tells me that I smell so sexy. I was not expecting this, so I do not know what to do.

Ten minutes later, I walk up to her, make eye contact, grab her elbow, and say, "Come on, we're dancing." We grind for a while, but I am too chicken to close. Later, when I leave, the girl practically tackles me with a hug, tells me she'll miss me...and I leave.

Next, we go to our Masseuse Club. My lack of balls leaves me disappointed and I do not recover. I end the night with only 20 approaches.

Lessons:

-False Negs

The traditional definition of a neg is a backhanded compliment. These tend to make the girl a little self-conscious and may frame the PUA as being critical (so I've heard). The goal is to lower the woman's value in respect to yours. Many PUAs I have met do not like these types of Negs.

There is a different sort of neg, however. False Negs are comments that a girl may at first take seriously and might find surprising, but at second thought is obviously complete bullshit. These negs should not make the girl feel like she is being judged or make her feel self-conscious. They are meant to be totally ridiculous. Ideally, this frames the interaction as being very playful.

Examples: Pretending to mistake a really hot girl for a guy, getting rough with a girl for accidentally elbowing you, or telling a girl she is not allowed to do something that she is obviously allowed to do. I've done many of these.

Many PUAs already use this tactic effectively, so I do not speak solely from my experience. The reason why I am explaining this gambit, though, is because if one uses the gambit as an opener, and the comment is aggressive and jarring, the effects might be really powerful. This needs more testing, however.

-Blond Girl: Ego Problems

My ego is preventing me from taking interactions further. I am afraid of getting blown out after making a connection. My new goal, in addition to doing a ton of approaches each night, is to number close five girls everyday. Of course, with girls like the blond here, I should have been able to go a lot further.

Alchemist RE: FR#33

Written by Alchemist on the Vibe Society forums, an NYC local group, in regards to my second failed LR with Neko:

Sparrow, I think the key

Sparrow,

I think the key with strip clubs is to just go when it is not that busy. And if you can, bring girls. The strippers are usually refreshed by the chance to talk with normal guys rather than fat, dirty old men grunting at them.

As for Neko – do you know anything about her sexual past? Having dated, and currently dating, a girl from China, I know that many are virgins or have very different views of sex than the typical American girl that the “game” was designed to bed.

And on the note of getting them to bed, a few thoughts as I have tried all the approaches you mentioned.

First and foremost, it is absolutely essential to LEAD. That’s pretty much the core truth of pick-up, as the man you lead the girl. Be alpha, masculine and when the time is ready, start expressing your sexuality more. I always try to guide the girl through multiple venues, physically guide her, make the choices, etc…

Next most important is being HONEST. Listen to any angry love song and it always deals with one of two things – a guy lying to her or making long-term promises and commitments based on short-term feelings (which eventually crumble when the spark is lost). A girl has a read on you pretty quickly and its not that hard to express who you are… a lot of the wait just comes from her feeling you out to see if you are going to promise what you deliver. No girl wants to be led down the relationship road only to have the brakes turn on as soon as you have sex. And I’ve regrettably done that – not intentionally – but because I was horny (and needy), wanted sex and didn’t really care that much about the girl.

This still happens sometimes with random girls (in that I want sex but don’t care about them), but I make sure to not do anything that would signal a relationship. I intentionally try to come off as more of a player, as someone with lots of women, so that they don’t even consider me as a potential relationship. And escalate FAST. But again, all I am trying to do is get them to say “yes or no,” to make a choice between sex or not, and either blow me or blow me off. I am not going to waste more than a night on a girl like that.

Anyway, onto your specific ideas because it sounds that you clearly care about this girl:

#1 – Yes, stronger early game (which is pretty much leading as a man and being honest)

#2 – Role reversal. I’ve tried doing the “I don’t want to have sex too soon.” It’s complete and utter bullshit and it rightfully will rarely, if ever, work with a reasonably intelligent woman. If you are being the alpha, sexual male, she knows that you want to fuck her…

#3 – Plowing… When a girl says, “I shouldn’t have sex with you” she is arguing with herself not you. She wants you inside her… I’ve never had a girl say that and not have sex. The argument is her mind vs. her body and you can say, “yes, we are naughty” or “we are bad for each other” as you continue to escalate (read her body language… if she’s spreading her legs and arching her hips, she’s asking for it). But be careful to tell the difference between token and real resistance…

#4 – Freezing out… It’s actually pretty cruel and I tried it once and it worked. But I regretted doing it and it is quite manipulative. When I have sex with a girl that I care about, I don’t want it to have been tainted with any manipulation.

About a year ago, I had an encounter with a Korean girl. I was not needy, but I tried to plow through her resistance. She said no, and from then on the guards were up… she wouldn’t get comfortable in my place or give me another opportunity to really escalate. It went no where…

What I found works best is to sincerely respect her while being a sexual yet not-needy male. If she says she doesn’t want to have sex and means it (not the token resistance), than I would say, “I respect you and I would never pressure you to do something that you are not ready for.” You can still escalate the next time you see her, but she knows that you will stop when she wants you to without you freezing her out, arguing or pressuring her.

That is it… no apologies or justifications for being sexual, no expectations on her. And when you think about it that is really what is fair. She does not have the right to expect a relationship from you. And you do not have the right to expect sex from her. Just enjoy your time together and let it evolve from there. And from what I have experienced, this alone will make her drop her barriers the next time you see her and let you in.

This is pretty much the approach that I use with every girl that I care about (if I don’t care about them, and I try to avoid those types of girls, I just put my sexuality out there and make her do one thing – make an one-time CHOICE between having sex or not. I respect it either way).

#43: The Power of Canned Material

2010-01-17, Sunday

Soho Location

Dark Nes, Sabastian, Rufio, Sparrow

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Dark Nes and Sabastian show up at my door with dumplings. How can I refuse?

Sabastian is very skilled at pick up - I can tell right away. His canned material (all his own) strike me as intensely powerful. I'm eager to see him in-field.

We get to a favorite Soho lounge and the place has only a few sets. I want to bounce, but Sabastian tells me to chill out. Very quickly, the place is swamped with people. I am choding out, but I still do 20 sets total. The venue is so full that for those with no AA, there is zero downtime.

Dark Nes is doing well, but Sabastian is going nuts on the girls. In very little time, girls are entranced by his routines.

Around 1 AM, I decide to head home so I can get wake up early and get some things done. Sabastian accuses me of choding out. To be honest, if I was having an awesome time, I probably would have stayed longer and would have made do with less sleep. To get me to stay, Sabastian gives me what I thought would be a stupid opener. I agree to do five quick sets.

My first set with the opener lasts five minutes for no reason. I am surprised that something so simple worked so well.

My second set lasts 15-20 minutes. I use it to open the guy in the group and move my way to the girl. Through kino escalation, the girl and I are getting extremely physical until I ask for her number. She says she is getting serious with a guy, so she declines.

My third set again lasts 15-20 minutes. Somehow, we get from Sabastian's opener to the question of my sexuality. At one point, I tell the girl that I am gay and she doesn't believe me. I compromise and tell her I am bisexual and she tells me that I am being unfair. I get angry at her for saying that I cannot be bisexual. Coupled with my sexual innuendo and kino, my anger turns out to work like a push/pull tactic because even though her friends try to pull her away, this girl insists on talking with me. Finally, I decide it's getting late, so I tell her to rejoin her friends.

In the subway, I meet Rufio, who was not able to get into the lounge. Next to him are two girls who I immediately open with Sabastian's routine. One of them hooks hard and as we get on the train, I tell Rufio that the two girls look like thieves. I then say that I'm going to steal my target's hat. She dares me to, so I get up. She jumps from her train seat and punches me in the stomach and we start running around play fighting. The entire train is cheering us on and eventually, as the girl's stop arrives, try to get her number. She almost misses her stop as she writes her number on my hand, but she does not finish it.

Lessons:

Indirect material is powerful. One advantage is that the girl is completely distracted by the conversation. Meanwhile, you can escalate physically.

20 sets.

FR#42: The NRPS Incident and My 4th K Close

2009-01-16

Metropolitan Art Museum, My Place, Gansevoort, 657 Bar

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I meet Dark Nes, Rufio, Doc and Lupin at the MET. It's not as packed as MoMA on Fridays.

I see a Chinese woman sitting with a sari (Indian head wrap). I gather my courage and approach. Her mind is sharp, her words are poetry, and her accent so sweet I can hardly keep state. After fifteen minutes of intellectual sparring, I cannot take it. She is my dream girl and I am not ready - I do not know how to escalate. What's more, she goes to Yale, which is too far. I eject while I am still ahead, afraid to make a fool out of myself.

My last memorable set was two Filipinas. I accidentally insult them when I press one for her ethnicity. I am not terribly interested in ethnicity - it is a fall-back when I am out of things to say, so I must break this habit.

At 7 PM, Potato, Neko's friend, calls. She is at my place to practice English. Rufio and I high-tale it back and we take her around the area as we talk, then we take her to my apartment for food.

Neko calls and wants to join us. I pick her up from the subway. I hug her, but she cold shoulders me. I ask her what's wrong and she says she is tired. I seek rapport (like a chode).

We arrive to find Dark Nes in my apartment as well. He banters with the girls, saying things like bukkake and that he wants a language exchange partner to exchange bodily fluids with. He gets away with it and both girls find him fun. Neko is freezing me out and as Dark Nes leaves, she begins seeking rapport with Rufio. Thinking she is trying to make me jealous, I ignore her and talk with Potato. To be honest, I am in mortal agony watching her trying to be intimate with Rufio.

Rufio and Neko start getting a little physical, poking each other's feet when Neko starts giving Rufio a massage. My chest is getting tighter, but Neko and I are not even in a relationship, and even if we were, I would want it to be open. I need to work through the jealousy.

I start giving Potato a massage and we four get into a massage line. After a few moments, we switch it up and Neko is behind me. After ten seconds of massage, however, she stops touching me. I'm getting frozen out. I ignore it and finally ask Potato for a massage, which she does.

Next, I see Rufio pulling Neko face down onto the bed. He's straddling her and giving her a massage. They get up and I do the same to Potato and eventually she straddles me to give me a massage as well. Finally, I am giving Potato a massage face to face and we're getting very friendly, but I cannot move to kiss her...I just can't. If I do that, would Neko kiss Rufio? The mere thought drives me crazy.

Neko gets up at one point and Rufio throws a ball at her. They throw stuff back and forth, then the ball comes to me. I launch it at Neko and she attacks me. We start wrestling and at this point, Rufio think Neko and I are going to start making out or something. I should have thrown her to the floor and jumped on her, but the tension falls apart as we stop fighting.

It's late and the girls leave. I feel broken after those hours of jealous pain, so I mope around. Finally, I stand up, get ready, and we head out to Meatpacking. We hit 657 and I get a make out. At Pop Burger, I get a dance and almost get a make out. I end the night with 27 approaches.

By morning, I feel much better. Had it not been for pick up, the whole ordeal may have really messed me up. I am so thankful that I have become much less needy and that I have so many more options.

Lessons:

-Neko

When she breaks rapport by telling me she was tired, I should have pressed a little harder. If she still did not explain, I should have simply said, "All right then."

The entire night with Neko and Potato, I needed to be more aggressive physically.

Finally, Rufio and I were left wondering if that night could have seen us both getting laid. Who knows how it would have gone? I did not have the balls to escalate quickly.

FR#41: Wall Slam Girl, Bollywood Romance, and the Magic of Negging

Date: 2010-01-15, Friday

Locations: Urban Outfitters, Subway, Art Museum, Gansevoort

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I invited Neko, Potato, and others to roll spring rolls at my place. Most people were unsure, so I canceled it. However, in the e-mail to Neko, I mentioned Potato. She misunderstood and thought I was seeing Potato on Friday. In her phone call as we speak, she keeps asking me if I'm sure I did not hang out with Potato already. I suppose she is jealous. Making Potato a language exchange partner is a good idea, however, so I e-mail Potato and she's eager to start. We plan to meet on Saturday.

Rufio and I go to Urban Outfitters to look at jackets. I putting together a Brad P-inspired European Sexy Stereotype. Already, girls ask if I am European, so I figure it will be the easiest look to start with.

From Urban Outfitters, we head to the subway. On the way, I do several approaches.

Rufio and I split and I meet up with Papi and Whisp from my nycSarge blog at an art museum.

Highlights:

-Korean Girl

"You look like you know something about art. Can you explain this huge art piece in front of me?" I motion at the cool stairwell she just came down. She's confused, but I hook for about twenty minutes. She is just visiting from Seoul, so I can't number close. She's with her brother, so I can't insta-date or anything. I hug her, tell her she's cute, and leave.

-Thai Girl

I see a Thai girl who looks very unhappy. "You look so sad. Why are you so sad?" She smiles and says she is happy. "Well, I am sad. I've lost my friends (true). What am I going to do? My God, I need a hug I'm so sad." I open my arms and she gives me a big hug. We chat for 15 minutes. She's a promoter and I stupidly get her business card and business e-mail.

Later, Whisp, Papi, and I bump into Thai Girl and her roommate, an Italian guy. The Italian guy is so interesting, so I don't mind giving Whisp isolation so he can chat up Thai Girl. He number closed her properly, and I tell Italian Guy that I'll invite them both out to a party sometime.

-Tim Burton

The guy has a freaky imagination.

Papi and Whisp have to go. I hang around and see the Tim Burton exhibit. I've approached 33 sets.

Later, I head to Gansevoort to meet Lupin and the place is packed with girls and PUAs. Apparently, an local sarge group was having a newbie sarge event that night.

When I see Lupin, there is a girl behind us laughing and talking with a guy. I turn to Lupin and say, "If tonight you want to wall slam-make out a girl in the first 5 minutes, she's the one."

"Why do you say that?"

"No idea," I respond. Wall Slam Girl.

We do some approaches and I am in a bad mood because I just got off the phone with Neko. In retrospect, she is jealous of Potato, who she thinks I am meeting for language exchange. At the time, I was hot and bothered.

I warm up, though. We walk in from the roof and I open a two set. After 15 minutes, Wall Slam Girl brings her boy toy over to us. I guess she's part of this set. :-P

I talk with her, and as I do, she butt-grinds against Lupin who is standing against the wall. For some reason, I am telling her that I am gay. She doesn't believe me because I am kinoing hard, so I tell her that some nights I am gay, some nights I am straight. She asks me which I am tonight. "Not sure. Let's find out." I put my hand on the back of her neck and make out with her while she is ass-grinding Lupin. I pull away and (IDIOTIC) the first thing that (STUPID) comes out of my (DIPSHIT) mouth is, "I think I'm gay tonight."

"We are DONE talking with you. We are DONE!" Wow, she was a fantastic kisser too, and an 8 on my scale. Her friends are grabbing on to me saying, "No, no, he's cool. Let him stay!" Lupin is already ejecting, so we continue walking through Gansevoort. The entire night, we simply walk back and forth, stopping for sets.

We get into a six set with a bunch of girls from out of town. This is my first solid experience with a mother hen. With every girl I talk with, she butts in, strangling me with her scarf. She kinos me like crazy and when I respond, she backs off. I grab her back and she comes back, then she bounces off again. At other times, she is just touching me all over. I start talking about Heinlein's Stranger in a Strange Land with the Indian 7 in the group and she is digging it. She FB Closes me, but then the mother hen - by the way, she is a 9 filipina - comes in to get attention. I decide the mother hen is my target, but then I see that rejected look on the Indian girl's face. She had a really sweet smile and had a good head on her shoulders, so I suddenly grab her hand. "Have you seen the balcony yet?" She shakes her head and I pull her outside.

In the past several months, I decided not to do nice guy stuff like giving a girl my jacket, which is exactly what I tell her, "but since I dragged you out here..." I wrap her in my jacket, put my arm around her, and we move to the railing to look at the skyline.

We chat as I hold her close. She tells me she'll teach me how to cook Indian food. I tell her to use soy yogurt in the curry instead of dairy. She says that's precisely what she uses. I grab the back of her neck and kiss her.

"You kissed me because of soy beans?" she asks after we part.

"Yes, I did."

We make out until her friends come outside looking for her. I leave to find Lupin. Later, I try to find this set again, but they had left.

Too many times that night, Lupin would come into a set I opened and instantly my target would say, "Hey! Your friend is so adorable." I think Lupin needs to wear a Nixon mask when he comes into other people's sets.

Also, several times, girls would tell us that they had been getting hit on all night by creepy gay guys. The first two times, I asked how they knew these guys were gay. "Because," they'd answer, "after hitting on me, they'd run off and I'd see them mostly talking and exchanging numbers with guys."

A few times, girls would tell us that creepers had been hitting on them all night and that Lupin and I were the only normal guys around. Newbie PUA raids have their advantages.

Rufio and Dark are apparently downstairs using the bathroom, so we roll out.

>>>Indian 9

Downstairs, I see someone hunched over sitting on the couch wearing boots, which makes me think for a second that I'm looking at Rufio. I realize it's an Indian 9, but I keep walking toward her. "Rufio? Oh, I'm sorry. My friend has similar boots. Maybe he's outside." I turn toward the exit.

"Hold on! You thought I was a guy? You asshole!"

"That was kind of mean, Sparrow," says Lupin. Oops, I guess it was kind of mean. I am still working on calibration...

At that moment, the girl's guy friend returns and hears everything. "Hey, man! You called her a girl? You are such a douche bag!" Afraid I may get in a fight, but unable to wipe the grin off my face, I tell them to have a good night as I leave.

Rufio and Dark are outside and Lupin is telling them what just happened when behind me, I feel fingers dig into my ribs. It's Indian 9.

I am flabbergasted, but in reality, I had thrown an old school Mystery Method neg and it had worked flawlessly. Months ago, when I still KJed on the mPUAForums, all I heard was how MM and canned stuff is bullshit. Nope - it works real nice. No situational or direct stuff I can think of would have worked better than that throw-and-go neg.

She comes out kinoing me and I return it. She says she can't believe I called her a man. I make my first mistake by telling her she's obviously a pretty girl. Still, we spar and flirt for 5 minutes, but after awhile, she notices Lupin. "Your friend is gorgeous." (Oh, and she has a blisteringly hot British accent.)

Finally, Lupin comes in and she jumps on him. (If anyone knows how to deal with having a super-pretty wingman, please e-mail me.)

By now, the friend who had defended her honor had come out. He was obviously friend-zoned a long while ago. Rufio, Dark, and I distract the obstacle, who is such a nice guy that he can't get away from our full out, three-pronged banter assault. Lupin finally pulls her around the corner where hopefully they are making out or something.

Lessons:

-Wall Slam Girl

Anytime a girl complies with you (e.g. kisses you, comes to your place, gives you a phone call), REWARD her. DO NOT tell her that the kiss made you reconsider your sexuality.

Also, I obviously cannot see into the future - I did not know this girl was going to be such a quick make out. Either it was pure luck or because I believed she was Wall Slam Girl, I treated her like Wall Slam Girl and she simply assumed the role. Perhaps my body language made our interaction naughty from the beginning. If I can learn to do this on purpose...

-Indian 7

In retrospect, I should have not explained anything. She was compliant with me and the jacket was a romantic gesture. Romantic gestures like this make approaches memorable. I'll always remember this girl.

-Indian 9

On HB+9s, negs are awesome at getting their attention. Do not break frame like I did. I need to field test this more. If I reframe SHBs as little sisters, I think I can begin attracting more 9s and 10s.

I end the night with 48 sets.

FR#40: My First (Four) Slaps and the Angry Lesbians OR the Blitzkreig Begins

Date: 2010-01-12 to 14, Tuesday through Thursday

Location: Meatpacking, LES - Mason Dixon, Loc#8, and others.

---

I leave to see family in NJ. I try to hail down 7 cars for directions. Everyone ignores me. I think I prefer NYC motorists...

Wednesday, I return for a class, then go out with MasterP only to find every venue in Meatpacking and LES nearly empty.

Thursday is more interesting. MasterP cancels on me, so I head out by myself with the goal of at least 20 approaches. Tonight is the first night of my new approach technique where I approach every girl I have any level of attraction for.

On the subway, I pick up a few, but to my horror, Meatpacking and LES are still empty! I bounce through venue after venue in Meatpacking, picking up sets as I go.

I head to LES to meet up with Rufio and Dark. On the way, I see a chick on her iPod. In front of her, I turn around and walk backwards. When she looks up and sees me, she freaks out. After apologizing for freaking out, she asks how I'm doing and I get directions from her.

Rufio and Dark are in Mason Dixon, which is empty except for two sets and maybe 7 PUAs, one of whom is TheHitter.

After one set, I bounce to pick up more sets from the LES bars. On the way, I see a guy with dyed hair climbing a pole. He's with another guy and an Italian chick. "You doing Parkour or something?" They hook, and after five minutes I'm play sparring with the Italian girl. I tell her I've never been slapped and that she should slap me under one condition. Getting slapped isn't as painful as I thought it would be and the kisses (cheek) afterward made me feel much better.

The non-hair dyed guy says something like, "This is how we get down in NYC."

"How do we get down in NYC," I ask?

"Like this," says the hair dyed guy. He throws the Italian chick to the pavement and shoves his face into her crotch as she yells, "Deeper, deeper!" I sort of wish I had thought of doing that, but then again, I just met her. ;-)

I bounce through every bar along Ludlow picking up sets until I circle around and meet up with Rufio, Dark, and TheHitter outside of Mason Dixon. We hit a really cool venue, then the Loc#8. I do some lame approaches, then TheHitter nods at two girls sitting behind me. He gives me an opener, "You guys look bored." The Asian is friendly, but her platinum blond, short-haired, Lesbian friend does not even look at me.

"Step the fuck away," she says. I stay in set however and keep talking. TheHitter approaches and tells them they're sucking the life out of the club and that they should dance. Oops..."Listen, we are not going to be fucking either of you tonight, so back off."

"You've got us wrong. This is my boyfriend," I say as I pat TheHitter on the shoulder. We keep plowing and it's awkward, but the Asian girl is still enjoying it. Eventually, the short-haired girl says, "Look, you guys seem really sweet. We're having a really important conversation. Please go away." We eject.

Dark Nes opens a two set as we approach the door. TheHitter is talking to one girl and...not sure what to do, I talk with Dark's girl. However, I try very hard to beta myself to Dark. The idea is to show the girl how to react to Dark. Of course, Dark does not need help, but it was good practice for me. TheHitter ejects to talk with an 8, so I occupy the obstacle so Dark can talk with his target.

Finally, we head to Meatpacking, leaving TheHitter waiting for his girl to come back from the bathroom. As we get on the subway, the hair dyed guy and his crew roll onto the same subway car as us and he gives me his Facebook. Gansevoort is still dead and The Park only goes nightclub on Fridays and Saturdays.

Meanwhile, I am still pissing and moaning about Neko. :-P

As I lie down to bed, I feel like I had just walked miles, questing for some elusive Pick Up talisman. 21 approaches ticked down my wrist - that's legendary enough for today.

FR#39: Japanese Omelets and Sexy Marines

Date: 2010-01-11

Location: Astoria, Subway

---

I get to Astoria to meet Neko. Her roommates and her friend, Potato, is there. (She is significantly more attractive than a Potato however.)

I am polite with Neko, but I mostly kino and banter with her roommate and Potato, who I feel is getting attracted. Rufio arrives later with a coconut cake. The food is fantastic. We watch Jersey Shore, then bounce.

Both of us want to get up early, so we decide to some quick approaches on the subway before calling it a night. I decide spy two girls on the platform - one is a 10, the other an 8 - and go for it. I use an opener Rufio had just given to me: "I like your style. I'm wondering what you guys do for work?"

They throw compliments at me and hook very nicely. They say they are marines, so I tell them I am an astronaut who just returned from Mars. A train arrives (not theirs) and Rufio runs up and says, "Sparrow, we're about to miss our train." I run for it and we miss it. I don't know why Rufio did this, but we get back into set and it goes fantastically. Rufio whispers for me to number close, but I simply don't do it. A train comes and we run for it. Next time, we need to agree beforehand on what to do. I personally would like to admit that we are picking up girls, or at least say we are heading to a favorite restaurant - no hurry.

Anyhow, the approach is such a success that we are completely pumped. Over the past couples days, we began pushing ourselves to get our inner game issues ironed out. After tonight, Rufio suggested I write down affirmations. I also decided to increase the minimum number of approaches per night to 20.

My Affirmations:

-Everyday will be legendary. I will pull others into my adventures.

-I will exercise every morning.

-I will not let others affect my state. (In particular, Neko. This one is really tough.)

FR#38: Jiujitsu Dance Gambits = Blow Out

Date: 2010-01-10, Sunday

Location: Hipster Lounge

---

After a few nights at PUA Lounge, we decided to spare our sarge locations from from PUA saturation. For this reason, all the venue names in my FRs will be changed.

Dark, Rufio, and I go out tonight, but Neko wants to meet me. I tell her I'll be out, but we can meet up after. She goes out drinking with her friends, calls me at 2 AM saying she'll wants to see me, but that she has to call me back. I next hear from her at 2:45 and she's in Queens. :'(

In retrospect, I should have dropped what I was doing to see her. I turns out, because of how far her new job is from Queens, she is hardly getting any sleep, so she's always tired. I thought she was just playing hard to get. My neediness coupled with way too much advice made me over-analyse the situation. When a girl complies, she ought to be rewarded. It was true that I was out with my friends, but I was about to head back anyway. I'm becoming too gamey.

So, at Hipster Bar, I open maybe 12 sets. The only set I can recall is when I tried one of Dark's dance moves twice, failing miserably both times, twisting the girls arms uncomfortably. "Let's not try that again!" she says.

Rufio, over the past several days, has been suffering from acute in-his-head-too-much-itis. We're trying to figure out how to cure his AA. I've got a few ideas to test out.

Dark gets a girl dancing with him and in a few minutes is making out. I watch the whole thing - I need to take notes next time. :-P

Finally, I head out, only to be disappointed by Neko. The next day, Monday, Neko had invited Rufio and I to her place for Okonomiyaki - Japanese omelets. By now, everybody is sick of me talking about Neko all the time. I'm sick of it too and I'm reconsidering what I want from the relationship.

FR#37: Two Chileans and an Angry Southerner

Date: 2010-01-09, Saturday

Location: My Place, Tribeca Social Lounge, PUA Lounge

---

Rufio and I invite several people to my place to make dumplings. Most cannot come. :'(

My Chinese exchange partner, Dark Nes, and Doc show up. After, we bounce first to a transvestite burlesque house with a metal club below. The place is not really popping, but we run into the promoter from Thursday night. Finally, we bounce to the hotel from the night before. This night, the place is a private party that Dark gets us into because he knows the name of the DJ.

The music is great, but I have approach anxiety. I do one final set - a two set of Chileans - with an odd opener Rufio gives me. Something like, "I'm really shy, but I think you're really pretty." I open the 7, then I turn to the 9 and say, "Uhm, so what do I do now? Listen, you're going to be my dating coach." The 7 is just staring at me like I'm crazy (turns out she does not speak much English), but the 9 is digging the interaction. Dark eventually comes in and wings me and of course is able to open up the 7 through simple banter and awesome body language.

After 10 minutes, we roll of and Doc heads home. Rufio, Dark, and I hit PUA Lounge. Rufio is tired, so he sleeps. Dark and I open a set, which goes very well until suddenly one girl gets very angry and pulls her friends away. Later, Dark tells me he told the girl she looks like she's from Jersey. (She's actually from the South.) We leave, confused and tired.

Lesson:

Starting with this night, I decide that I am done with AA. Every night out, I need to get at least 10 approaches. I get 8 before leaving Gansevoort and randomly talk with two more women on the subway.

FR#36: Two Belgians and a Lot of Koreans

Date: 2010-01-08 Friday

Location: MoMA, The Park

--

Dark Nes, Rufio, and I hit up MoMA at 7:30, so most people are leaving. I hardly approach - maybe three? I run into an old classmate who says I seem completely different, which makes me feel better.

As we leave, Rufio approaches a Belgian two set. Kittie lives here, Puppy is visiting. Later, Puppy tells me that she hardly understood what Rufio was talking about and from then on saw Rufio as being the weirdest out of all of us, which is odd because he is the most chill.

Rufio gets them to come along with us and we exit together, taking them to a bar. Rufio bounces and I use try the "I've never been slapped" routine. She does not react well to the ass touching, although she still seeks rapport. Eventually, we bring them to a hotel in Soho to chill with Lupin and Rufio where we eat.

I sit next to Puppy (my target) and at one point, she mentions that she doesn't know who Lord Voldemort is. I disqualify her for this, then tell her she rates a -2 on my "Probable Girlfriend Scale," where 0 is no chance and 10 is girlfriend material. The next thing she says gets her to -3. Later, I ask her to give weirdness ratings to everyone, but when it comes to me, she says I have a 7 on her "Probable Boyfriend Scale."

We head to Park, which is full of Asians. Lupin is accosted by a young Asian girl who hovers around him all night. We get the girls dancing for the whole night, but I cannot get myself to escalate.

Rufio and I do some random approaches. I grab a Korean girl to dance and everyone in her group freaks out.

Dark is doing crazy dance game with the girls. Eventually we leave. Lupin and Rufio go into the Diner and don't say good-bye to the girls. Neither of them felt like the night was instructive at all for them, nor did they like the girls at all. Dark and I say good bye and that's it.

Later, Dark Nes reframes the night. We could have used the girls as social proof in Park. We all feel better, especially I do after having a milk shake.

Lessons:

-Belgians

Never be afraid to escalate. Just do it. One) logically, there are other women in the world. Two) if the girl is into you and you do not escalate, your hesitation will cause her to lose attraction.

Swallow your misgivings and take a chance. Once you take the leap and escalate, you will feel all right, especially if things work out. If you get blown out, you're early game needs improvement. Next!

-Dancing Girls

Always get eye contact.

FR#35: Sexiest Party Yet and General Gushing

Date: 2010-01-07

Location:

---

It's been a while since this night, so all i really remember is being called out to this place in Soho that was invite only. I got the invite through Dark Nes who met the promoter randomly in a bar.

I would like to begin this post with a tribute to Dark Nes.

This guy is one of the nicest, chillest, sweetest, most adorable people I know. He is one of the best bull shitters, banterers, improvisers, role players, and goof-offs I know. He does all this without being at all pretentious. Despite his spiked leather and classy-goth style, he looks so innocent. He is the most sexual man I know. Just last night he was telling two Japanese girls who were hanging out in my place that he needs a language exchange partner so he can exchange bodily fluids with her. He then asked one of them if she liked bukake, and later he taught her how to salsa. He routinely gets away with all this perhaps because he does it all very sweetly, as if he was talking about Sesame Street, as if it was all just a silly joke.

His dance game is spectacular even though he himself basically has one simple, relaxed dance. Effortlessly, he twirls, dips, and spins girls until they're back-to-front in his arms. Then he's playing games with them on the dance floor, getting the girls laughing and smiling, though how he does it I am still trying to figure out.

Okay, enough gushing.

I go to the private party feeling like shit. The place is packed with beauties, so I am getting nervous. I see some girls dancing. I exhale slowly, tap the closest one for eye contact (important), and we start grinding.

I leave and talk with a photographer, then Mel assists me in opening a two set: Alfro and Egypt

I open her over calamari and she begins seeking rapport. I ask her about her afro (that's what everyone does), but I stay in set for a good twenty minutes or more. Afterward, I completely lose my frame and leave.

Lessons:

-Dancing Girls

Always get eye contact before grabbing a girl to dance/grind. Without eye contact, she'll freak out. It's obvious, but the night after this sarge, I made this exact mistake for the first (and last) time.

-Afro Girl

The PUA is always the exception. I think Mystery said that. Avoid asking questions or saying the things that every guy says, unless you are being facetious on purpose.

Examples with Afro Girl:

Bad: "Hey, nice 'fro."

Good: "Your hair reminds me of a giant plush furbie."

Good: "Girl, you have a real interesting look. I think it's your eyebrows."

Bad: Opening with, "Hey, do you girls come here often?"

Good: Used in the middle of the set. "You must be exhausted." "Why??" "You've been running through my head all night long."

-A not so quick comment on Neko...

When I talked with this girl on the phone the first few times, and when I first met her, my game was uncharacteristically smooth. The language barrier somehow made being romantic and playful more easier and it made gestures - and therefore kino - a necessity.

Neko has a great sense of humor, she is extremely playful, and her eyes are full of life. I sense she was a bit of a party girl when she was younger, and I now know that her Girl Game is very tight. It is entirely possible she gamed me from the start.

My meeting Neko, I feel, was less a reflection of my skill than a statement of the universal law that is Chance; meeting Neko was a stroke of luck. These admissions may seem self-deprecating, but they are not. I would not have gotten anywhere with her if I did not know Pick Up.

Meeting Neko has been among the best things that has ever happened to my game. (With meeting Rufio taking first place.) Neko has taught me so much about jealousy, ego, neediness, sexual escalation, and more, not to mention Japanese. Last night, though I may have been close to tears, and though every mention of her name may have been followed by "that crazy bitch," I am deeply indebted and thankful to have met her.

I would like to take a moment to thank the hundreds of women I have met in the past months, in particular...

:::Asian Girl - for being my first approach ever and showing me that Pick Up works

:::Actress and Filmdirector - for my first hook and my first failed kiss close

:::Half-Italian - for showing me how fast it is possible to sexually escalate

:::Polish-Pudge - for my first kiss as a PUA

:::Fasion Designer and the rest - for christening my apartment with cigarettes made of clove and smooth Spanish wine, making for the chillest night in recent memory

:::Liberal Peruvian Japanese - for the best wall slam make out ever and for teaching me the importance of isolation

:::The Classy Marines - for showing me that scary two sets on the subway are not so scary, and for inspiring me to invent the Blitzkreig Approach (copyright mutha fuckas), which is a huge reason why I am still in one piece after the Neko-Rufio-Potato-Sparrow Incident (NRPS Incident).

:::Potato (Neko's friend) - for showing me how to tag team escalate two girls

:::Neko - for the tender moments, for the heart-wrenching and chodey moments

FR#34: Peruvian Japanese and the Extreme Sport of Wall Slamming

Date: 2010-01-07 Wednesday

Place: Gansevoort

---

I call up Lupin after Neko flakes because she has to get up early. Earlier, Lupin told Rufio that he was busy, but after my insistence, he says, "Fuck it, let's do it."

I return home, cook a huge meal, then head to Gansevoort. On the way, Neko keeps calling me. Even though I have Friday free, I want to go sarging, so I tell her I am busy. I tell Neko that Saturday, my friends and I may do something fun and that she should come.

In retrospect, perhaps I should have given Neko some of my time either Thursday or Friday. As you will see in later FRs, our relationship begins to break down.

After Improv class, I am loosened up. I go into Gansevoort opening sets right away, which gets me in an external, in-the-moment frame of mind. (Okay, I admit my first set is two squishy girls from England. So sue me!)

Lupin is stiff after a few weeks off during the holidays; only after a huge amount of pushing does he approach. All in all, we do maybe seven sets. Then finally, we meet the Peruvian Japanese girls.

They walk in. Lupin and I exchange glances. "Them," I say. We follow them into the club. I go up and throw Japanese greetings at the Conservative (in my opinion, she is the cutest). Runner (who runs away with a group of French Peruvians) talks with Lupin. These girls are easily into their 30's.

As I talk, I kino Conservative lightly, but she backs away at each touch. Perhaps she is skittish, or perhaps she is drawn to Lupin's halo of beauty. (Son of a bitch...maybe the Koreans are on to something with all their plastic surgery!) I talk with Runner until I notice Liberal sitting bored on the sofa, which is no good. (A bored obstacle is a dangerous obstacle. Neglected obstacles are experts at physically pulling away your target...unless you are a total pimp like Tyler Durden or Tim from RSD.)

I ask Runner to introduce me. Liberal invites me to sit and Conservative sits next to me. I ignore Conservative (my target) and try to speak passionately about religion, love, and how I feel about New York as I kino Liberal heavily. It works because when I finally turn back to Conservative, she lets me touch her back, legs, hands, and hair.

Rufio arrives and Lupin has to leave. Rufio runs after Lupin to hang at his place.

A man arrives and begins making out with Liberal. Conservative has suddenly become much more interested in me and becomes rapport seeking, filling up all my Juggler-style vacuums. Liberal's guy leaves and she admits that the guy is just a friend. Without Lupin or Rufio, I have no isolation, so I bounce between the two girls to keep them involved, but finally decide Liberal is more fun.

Runner and her French Peruvian friends join the group, giving me some way to isolate Liberal from Conservative. I tell Liberal, "I bet you dance like Japanese girls," so she challenges me to dance. I grab her, pull her into the aisle, and do a few of Dark Nes' basic dance gambits. I spin her, put her arm around me, and let her dance a bit away as I watch her. (I've heard girls like to dance for guys they fancy) "Liberal, that's a lame Japanese dance. I thought South Americans are supposed to be great dancers."

"We try our best!" she says as she shoves me playfully.

"I think you need to try harder. Honestly, I'm just trying to get slapped. I've never been slapped before."

"I'm not going to slap you!"

"Are you sure about that?" I start grabbing her ass and I squeeze one of her breasts. She seems to like it. "Where's my slap?" She laughs. "That's it!" I slam her against the nearest wall and start making out with her. Between kisses, I ask, "Where's my slap." She giggles and I kiss her neck and I feel her body suddenly stiffen to me. "You're coming home with me tonight," I say as I continue kissing, but she starts rolling off. I think she made eye contact with one of her friends and realized that...she was acting slutty. My bad...

We pull apart and start dancing, then the bouncer tells us to get going. Conservative gives me her Facebook and asks me to tell her when I go out because she will be in NYC for two more weeks.

Downstairs, they jump in a taxi before I can say good night to Liberal. Conservative begins walking backward and waving good-bye as her friends pull her away. And here I was thinking I'd get some. Honestly, I prefer it this way. I want my first time to be with Neko.

(I wrote this as a draft the night of this sarge. I'm reading it now and...wow, what a chodey thing to say. Funny thing is, I still want my first time to be with her.)

Lessons:

-Peruvian Japanese

Unless the girl is absolutely nuts and her friends seem a bit nuts too (See: Wall-Slam Girl), always isolate before making out with a girl. Wall-slamming in public view is awesome for building sexual tension when it ends with sexual eye contact and a "not yet" or something similar.

Also, I've noticed on three occasions that making out with/wall slamming/dancing and dipping a girl can make that girl's friends very attracted to you.

-Fat Londons

Go into the club and approach anyone in the first 15 seconds. This sets your tone for the night and helps get you out of your head.

-Persian Guys

Be very friendly with guys, even if you just short-set them. Make an awesome impression and the next time they run into you, they will give you a lot of value when everyone sees how excited they are to see you again.

-Circumcision (read: Birthday) Party

Blow out!

Me: Hey, Birthday Party!

Them: Uhh...heyyy? No, this is a circumcision party.

Me: Who's getting circumcised? You?

Them: All of us.

Me: Why aren't you walking funny then? [I demonstrate.]

Them: We will soon - in the other direction!

Rufio's suggestion: Who's the lucky girl? ... Awesome, is she super shy? (Loud enough for the birthday girl to hear.) ... Birthday dance! [Grab birthday girl and dance. Escalate from there.]

[2010-01-17: I unwittingly field tested a variation of this last night and it worked beautifully.]

FR#33: My First Strip Club and My Second Failed LR

Date: 2010-01-01 Friday and Saturday

Location: Rick's Cabaret; Galapagos Art Space

---

Friday, I went with a female Chinese exchange partner and some friends to a strip club. Tempus and Doc were there. Neko also came, but she had to leave around 11 to meet her friends. For everyone except Doc and China's other exchange partner, this was our first strip club.

The strip club is all right - the girls are definitely gorgeous - but I'm more interested in chatting with China and Neko. I kino them both and I try to be fairly friendly, but not sexual, with any strippers that come around. I've heard that the only way to game strippers is to bust them out of sex/work mode, so I try a little. Eventually, I buy China a lap dance - something I had been dying to do. China is a cute, sexually repressed academic who since coming to America has taken an interest in sexual things, although always from afar. Coming to the strip club was actually her idea.

After sometime, Doc, Tempus, and I decide to head to Dumbo to check out Galapagos. Before we leave, I take Neko's hand, pull her out into the hallway, slam her against the wall, and make out with her. I abruptly pull her back into the main hall, sit her down, and continue talking about the rest of the night with my friends. I look over at Neko and give her crazy sex eyes. When she notices, she smirks and licks her lips at me. I love how playful this girl is - I think it is why I am so attracted to her.

We all leave. Neko says she'll call me when she's done.

Galapagos turns out to just be a place where people perform on a stage - not good place to practice a lot of pick up. Doc, Tempus, and I talk game, then leave.

I go home missing Neko beside me. She never calls. I am a needy idiot.

Next day:

I chill out, shop, study, then Neko comes over late at night. We do the language exchange thing for a while, then I grab her to make out. We get ready for bed, then we roll around a lot as I try to escalate like nuts. I get a little further, but she keeps resisting. After some time, we're both tired and I roll off a little. She responds by rolling off a lot. After a few minutes, annoyed, I tell her, "You came all the way from Queens to sleep by yourself? You're crazy." Then I turn around. I try to sleep, but she puts her arm around me and we fall asleep together like this and I feel all right.

In the morning, I wake up with her cozying into me, and suddenly, it's on. She is still resisting sex though, but I am rubbing her pussy and her bra is off, though her shirt is still on. After several hours, we feel awesome and slowly roll out of bed and she leaves. Little did I know how big of a fuck up the past two near-lays have been. Even still, I would not trade those two nights for anything. (Well, maybe for world peace. Maybe.)

Lessons:

Below are a mixture of my thoughts as well as advice from other PUAs, in particular Rufio and Dark Nes.

My relationship with a girl must be either sexual or non-sexual. The gray area in between may feel awesome - kissing, sleeping in her arms, etc. - but it creates drama that can fuck everything up. Be a man - as Gunwitch says, "Make the ho say no." She probably won't say no and she'll love the fact that you were confident, forceful, and manly about it - not careful, afraid, and unsure.

Neko may very well be afraid that after sex, the relationship will be over. She may also feel slutty for giving in to sex soon. This is Last Minute Resistance. The third possibility is that she is regretting coming to your place for some reason and is not attracted to you anymore. Either let her sleep or ask her to leave. Your early game was too weak.

There are three ways I can think of to belay a girl's concern here: Stronger early game, Plow or Role Reverse, or Freeze Out (a.k.a. Break Rapport).

The first is to have stronger early game. I need to make the girl feel that I will definitely be here after sex. How to do that, I am not sure, but I will think about it. This is perhaps the most difficult solution. The alternative is to have such solid early game that the girl absolutely thinks you are awesome. This is even more difficult (yet more powerful and worthwhile) because it means your inner game has to be tight.

The second solution is to plow or to role reverse. Plowing means that when the girl resists, you either roll of a little, then continue escalating (two steps forward, one step back). Plowing also can be verbally acknowledging that there should be no sex or that you need to slow down, but physically you continue to escalate. Role reversing means that you anticipate LMR, tell the girl things are going to fast, resist a little, but then escalate anyway.

The third solution is to make the girl incredibly horny, continue plowing as she resists, but when you hit major resistance, you do a freeze out. You can do a soft or hard freeze out.

Soft: Politely say, "Let me know if you change your mind," then roll over to the other side of the bed.

Hard: Begin putting your clothes on (if you are going for sex the first time, it is good to make the woman comfortable by taking off your clothes), then tell her to get her stuff because you're taking her to the subway.

Some may think that at this point, asking a girl to go home is mean. Think of it like this: She came all the way to your place. She likes you and she wants to have sex with you. If If she does not want a sexual relationship with you, it is inappropriate for her to sleep at your place like this. Make-out sessions, sleeping in each other's arms, and rolling around all night long are all sexual activities. If you haven't had sex yet, you're relationship should not be doing those things.

Personally, I now prefer the hard freeze-out. After everything that has happened with Neko (see the following FRs), I feel it would have sent her a strong message about how I want our relationship to be - either platonic or sexual. This is completely non-needy, which is a very powerful and attractive quality.

Now, if the freeze outs work, the girl will seek rapport with you and you will reward her by having sex with her. If she still resists again, either plow or freeze her out again. If she is seeking rapport, you should be able to have sex with her.

If the freeze outs do not work, then she is either not ready for a sexual relationship with you or she is having an early case of buyer's remorse. In both cases, the real issue is that your early game was not strong enough. I imagine most girls fantasize about getting swept of their feet by a super-suave hunk.

Remember, all your interactions - especially freeze outs - must be non-reactive, completely devoid of anger, and cannot seem like you are trying to hurt or punish the girl.

Second, do not explain why you are freezing a girl out. It is not that girls are irrational creatures who resist all attempts to be reasoned with (Although it may often feel that they are!) - it is that all humans are irrational creatures who are driven principally by their emotions.

The vast majority of us cannot be convinced by logic. To be persuasive, communication must be on an emotional level, never on a cerebral or logical level. You must create an emotional change in the girl you want to sleep with.

For example, imagine you are encountering LMR. The girl does want to sleep with you, but is afraid that she will feel easy or that she will lose you. When you freeze out, you suddenly take away all the pleasant stimulation.

In theory, her mind will focus on her desire to regain that pleasant stimulation. When she seeks rapport with you and you reward her with affection, she will be thinking, "This feels so good. This feels so right."

After this gambit, she will hopefully no longer feel easy because you allowed her to completely resist your advances. She will feel that you are not just a sex-hungry man who only wants to fuck her. She will feel that you're a special case, a real catch, and that sex was inevitable. This is all theoretical, of course. :-)

Third, you should escalate to sex quickly. Save the make out sessions, romantic foreplay, just sleeping together, etc. for later; getting past first sex carries enough baggage as is. By getting first sex out of the way as soon as possible, you are making sex a normal thing instead of a huge obstacle that first requires a drawn-out, drama-filled courting period that may just break the relationship.

There is a forth, meta-game solution that I want to try later. Essentialyl, it is the ultimate in non-needy, role reversing freeze out. When the girl comes over, you have to be incredibly intense and extremely sexual. This will make her very wet. After a little impassioned kissing, you suddenly break off. "I want to fuck you so bad, but this is going too quickly. Let's get to know each other first."

In theory, this works because she has already seen how powerfully masculine you are - she will not get frustrated because you choded out. Instead, she will be flattered a bit, and may end up trying to convince you to sleep with her.

If anyone field tests this, please send me the LR. ;-)