FR#62: Thoughts on Cheating and Other Stories

FR#62: Thoughts on Cheating and Other Stories

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One night, I asked Mouse if she wanted an exclusive relationship with me. She said that she was not sure and that my asking was making her feel stressed out. Again, never talk about relationship status. I told her it was fine and that we did not need to talk about it. Even still, her and I had a rough night that night.

Maybe Mouse never liked me that much. Maybe I was just being too needy. Maybe I had controlled the relationship the entire way and never gave her enough space to invest. Who knows. I accepted what she said though and...well, decided that we would be in an open relationship.

Over the past week, Spice had been calling and texting me, trying to get me to go over to her place. So, when Mouse said she wasn't sure about being exclusive, out of curiosity of the concept of cheating, I paid Spice a visit. On the one hand, Mouse had not committed, so it was not cheating. On the other hand, in retrospect, I think it was my fault that Mouse had not committed.

As I was having sex with Spice, I found my thoughts kept drifting to Mouse. Talk about lovesick. As long as I am not in an exclusive relationship, I've found that I can be in love with one girl and can have sex with another girl without moral qualms. For this reason, I find that I have had to reevaluate my thoughts on cheating.

If your girl cheats on you, but she still wants to be with you, there are three possibilities: One) she is using you for something, Two) She is so attached to her relationship with you that despite her dissatisfaction she is too afraid leave you, or Three) she does still love you. In the third case, since you hopefully know something about seducing women, an open relationship might be a good idea. Otherwise, an open relationship

After all, say your girl meets a handsome and intriguing guy while on vacation. It is natural that she would find the thought of sleeping with such a guy exciting, but she may still love you and not want to leave you either. I can relate to this situation, so I would try to forgive a girl who cheated on me for the sake of excitement. I would say though that the relationship better become open right quick, if only out of fairness. In theory at least, that's how I hope things will play out.

For myself, of course, if I go exclusive with a girl, it's because she really stands out. Cheating is not something I'll do...in theory, of course. If I ever really want to cheat, hopefully I will stop myself and I will discuss it with my girl if I want an open relationship.

There was another night where we had a rough time. I think it was before that night with Spice. At one point, Mouse just laid on her stomach and no matter what I did or said, she would not move or say anything. Basically, I was being frozen out. Of course, this was a night where I had brought up the topic of relationship status. Somehow, I thought I was doing right by her to talk about these things...and to be honest, I wanted affirmation from her that we were boyfriend/girlfriend.

Finally, I rolled over and tried to sleep. I was so upset, though, that I couldn't. Suddenly, Mouse got up and went to the bathroom for maybe half an hour. Then she came back and made some tea. Then she started studying Chinese. All of this, mind you, at three in the morning. I couldn't take it.

I got up and started putting my clothes on. I turned to her and said, "Mouse, if you're going to keep pushing me away all the time, I'm just going to leave." As I put my hand on the doorknob, she came to me and took my clothes of.

Lesson: If someone is not treating you right, leave. Never be so needy for a girl that you stay with her despite everything. Sometimes, too, it's not about neediness. Sometimes, we invest so much time with another person that it is difficult to break things off. It's like AA: Do not let your fears or your discomfort prevent you from doing what is best for you. It's a simple, common sense idea, but there are so many people (guys and girls), but as with most simple, common sense ideas, most people do not follow them. Investment and neediness are two reasons why so many people stay in abusive relationships, or in relationships that they are unhappy in.

Anyhow, Mouse and I always resolved things. There might have been some fundamental issues with our relationship - namely my insecurities and neediness, my impatience when it came to moving the relationship forward, and my conversational impatience - but things continued to be mostly fun.

Conversational impatience. Over the past year, since I began going out, I have become a lot better at carrying on conversations. Mouse needs time to think about how she will say things. I did not realize this for a while. I always thought she was just...conversationally shy, until at least she got her motors running. As a result, I would find it necessary to fill most of the silences with banter and teasing, which was fun, but did not leave her much room to express herself.

If you meet a girl who obviously likes you yet does not seem to contribute much to the conversation, consider that she may need time to figure out how to say what she wants to say. There were times where I committed to vacuuming with Mouse and I was always rewarded for my patience by Mouse telling long, personal stories about her life or little stories about the interesting things that happen to her everyday. Unfortunately, I am a very impatient person, so I hardly ever vacuumed.